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Motivated by LOVE

dwie-wiewiorki-kamien-kwiatekI heave a sigh of relief as many ‘demands’ on my time, mostly self-inflicted, are now complete.

I almost didn’t have time for that sigh.

When one or two of said demands were still just ‘almost’ done, I very nearly committed myself, or committed TO myself, to begin a new track, a new thing – with excellent reasons of course.  But I didn’t do it.

I stopped, and reflected for a while.  To use permaculture language, I observed my pattern.  And I realised that my urge to jump from one goal to the next, in reality comes down to self sabotage in the form of creating unnecessary guilt and anxiety.  When I dive into a new thing, I generally:

a) beat myself up to work harder on the new thing until it’s perfect

AND

b) get too busy with the new thing to attend to family and friends

I thought  I was better at life than this.  Setting myself up to be perpetually ‘catching up’, be it the new thing, the house or the family?  That’s not how I want to live.

There’s no doubt I’m eons ahead of where I used to be with regards to co-dependence.  But as I consider my habits, I wonder if I am maybe not so far as I thought.  I tend to frame relationships in goal achievement:  I want to help a child feel secure, I want to show love for a friend.  What about authentically being in relationship, where those things flow, or they don’t.  And the relationship survives and thrives, or it doesn’t.

I’m reminded of Peter Jackson (not the movie guy, the Canadian Christian speaker) who talks about moving from

I do, therefore I am  to

I AM LOVED, therefore I DO

It’s the difference between being motivated by trying to gain approval, which will always cause anxiety, to being motivated by LOVE you are already receiving. Peter Jackson says

When we understand how loved we are by God, there’s nothing we can do to get him to love us more – that changes everything.

It frees me to put relationship ahead of achievement because I have NOTHING to PROVE and NOTHING to GAIN.  Those glimpses I get of being saturated in God’s love – I don’t want anything when I’m there.

So I can bask in relationship with God.  And as I’m transformed by the realisation of his love, I can be authentic in other relationships.  I can be in good relationship with myself, not self-sabotaging.  I can be present in relationship with others without trying to achieve a specific outcome.

It’s blowing my mind.  I hope it works its way into yours too.

 

 

 

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